


Dance With The Devil

by AndieFlare



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: But then Eventual Happy Matt, Elektra is Not a Robot, Elektra is a Good Girlfriend, Elektra is a boss, Elektra will Fite For Matt, F/M, Foggy Nelson & Karen Page Friendship, Foggy Nelson Is a Good Bro, Hurt Matt Murdock, Karen Page Knows Matt is Daredevil, Matt Deserves the World, Matt Murdock & Foggy Nelson Friendship, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Mentions of Abortion, So Will Foggy, Trans Matt Murdock, Transman having sex with a Cis Female character, but is a transman, if that bothers you look away, it doesn't happen though, mentions of rape/non con, mentions of transman pregnancy, not in graphic detail though, the author is a virigin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 07:30:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19942468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndieFlare/pseuds/AndieFlare
Summary: Matt Murdock would often date a string of lovers at a single time. He never - ever settled down voluntarily to find happiness. That is until he entered a party to find information on his arch enemy Kingpin, Wilson Fisk and walked out with a woman who he had absolutely no intentions on getting in cahoots with - but did.Her name was Elektra Natchios, and she's what made Matt Murdock more human.Together, two broken halves of shattered people may just form a whole - just until they don't.





	Dance With The Devil

**Author's Note:**

> I've never had sex. I am a transman but i haven't had testosterone yet. This fic took several days to write, mainly because I was looking up terminology for certain parts of a trans-man's parts 'down there' after they transitioned so it wouldn't be triggering for anyone. I don't know any fully-transitioned transguys in my life at the moment, and like I said I've never had sex so I KNOW this isn't any good nor sexy. This wasn't supposed to get anyone hard, this was just supposed to have Matt and Elektra learn about each other's bodies, also because Matt is a person of past abuse (so is Elektra but she made it less obvious) Elektra made it very clear she didn't swing that way. 
> 
> If Matt wanted an out, he would have an out. Henceforth Elektra was flexible. I've never been raped or anything but I know some people on this site may have been rape-survivors which was why I wanted to be as gentle as possible when approaching this. Matt didn't stop Elektra from having sex with him because I felt like he didn't know any better or didn't know how to say no. Elektra wanted to show him that not all people can be jerks and that she wanted HIM to have control over her, and when he did he was much more comfortable. 
> 
> Also why doesn't anyone ever write various positions when talking about sex? It's not just top or bottom. I've read fics about when bottoming from the top, but even that's a rarity in this sea of weird kinky bullshit written by edgy horny, teens who don't know what they're talking about. There are multiple ways to please a person in bed, it's not just sucking someone off or godforbid, ANAL. There are toys, there's foreplay - teasing - etc. I may not have had sex, but I've done my research for my own writing. I want to experiment in a safe way with Elektra and Matt and I set it up for Matt not being very educated about sex so that way Elektra can educated him and also learn about about herself. 
> 
> I feel like when being in a relationship, if you have someone who's submissive, or just someone like Matt who isn't comfortable with being pinned down or being on the bottom but even if they say it's okay when it's not - give them options - tell them it's okay that they can change whenever they want or hell, just tell them DONT DO IT AT ALL. If they want to stop then stop. Don't force them to do it because that my friends, is assault, and even if the person doesn't say it or press charges on you, they are still a victim and you can still really hurt another person. 
> 
> If there's anything triggering about this fic or if you want me to take it down I will. I'm not an asshole that won't listen to complaints. Just please don't be nasty and tell me nicely because this is my first time writing a fic this long and writing something this sensitive. I have been told to basically kill myself for writing shit like this or go jump off a bridge and I've got depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. Words hurt, so please be considerate. If you want a specific tag or something put in that I didn't be fore or think there should be something here that I didn't add LET ME KNOW NICELY. Thank you. - Andie.

Matt hears the woman at the bar. Her voice low and smooth, like silk and honey. But the first thing that Matt notices is this isn’t your average woman. No. She’s sophisticated and smart – the way she wears her perfume and is sipping her tequila. She wants something more than just tequila but is too polite to ask for anything else. _Maybe_? Then Matt realizes the way the lady is laughing and talking to the bartender; she has money.

It’s not her money, exactly. But she can spend it whenever she damn well pleases. Matt smiles as he hears her voice – her heartbeat. He wants to use his charms on her, usually that isn’t a problem – but tonight – he wants more than that. He wants to take that a step further. Though the tightness in his crotch is telling him – what if she’ll reject him? That’s always an issue, from the girl from his accounting class that denied him sex because ‘she wasn’t into girl parts’ makes him worry.

Matt really wants to give this a try. 

_Fuck it_. He wants to try this. 

Matt moves over to the bar to this mystery woman. He lets his presences be known. The woman’s heartbeat is still steady despite the alcohol that she’s had. Matt isn’t so sure if this is the right thing to do, that panging feeling in his crotch making him feel ‘ _you’re not going to want me when you see the real me’_ is on repeat. But he buries it, and uses his charms to woo her. 

She’s not impressed. She calls him dumb. Matt laughs. Something about this woman makes him happy. 

“I think your bored,” Matt says lamely, his heart beating in his chest. Dysphoria hasn’t hit him yet but he should be honest before he gets in too deep. He’s not stalling but he’s still having fun. He’s laughing and he hasn’t laughed like this in a while. “I think daddy’s money isn’t making you happy. Try putting yourself in another stranger’s shoes.”

Matt’s voice is low and seductive, like a purr. The woman giggles. It’s also suggestive. “Maybe you’re not so dumb after all. You are very pretty. You haven’t made a single comment on my appearance yet, so I’m taking that you’re actually blind?” 

Matt swallows. “All I see is darkness.” 

The woman hums. “Crying shame.” Though it’s not pity; it’s just recognition. “Though it’s probably better that way. You, not caring about appearance. Being a judgmental pig-head – “

Matt nearly snorts at that. He’s been called various things by women before they even got in bed. By men too. More like the lines of ‘ _Judgmental bitch_ …’ 

“But I’m sure your personality could vary depending. Are you a good lay?” 

“I like to think I am,” He’s being completely modest here. He doesn’t have a dominant bone in his body. He’s topped before, but it’s not often. The woman nearly spurts out her drink at that. She’s on her fourth round. 

“What?” Matt scrunches up his face to a scowl. He doesn’t understand why she’s made a noise like that. He can’t read her expression. 

“Not all men say shit like that. They usually boast about themselves – about their sexual capabilities.” She was giggling, Matt sighed. 

“I’m transgender.” ‘ _Feel free to leave now, just spare me the insults if you don’t want my pussy. But I really want yours_.’ Matt’s heart is beating a thousand miles a minute now, he’s swallowing hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. 

“Female to male?” Though the woman raises a brow and her eyes are wide. It wasn’t negative, it was more like ‘wow he’s really pretty and I’m surprised.’ Though she had never slept with a transman before, or a woman before, she wasn’t against trying.

Matt nods, swallowing. 

“I’ve never slept with a woman before,” She clutches the glass gingerly. Matt makes a sound. 

And that makes her think ‘ _what the hell, he was so confident before, and now he’s slipping, is this really what it’s like for transmen_?’ “But keep in mind this isn’t pity, I think your hot, and the fact you have a pussy isn’t going to bother me.” 

“You’re not bi though – are you?” Matt says gently, carefully. 

The woman giggles. “I can learn.” She says seductively and carefully. “Guide me through what you like and don’t like, it’ll be a learning experience. My father always says I was a fast learner, if not, a prodigy.”

Matt snorted. “So, you’re really willing to give this a try?” Matt sips on his high ball. “Tonight?”

“Tonight, though I’d like your name. You don’t have to tell me your birth-name. That’s your business.” The woman holds out her hand. “I’m holding my hand out by the way, I’m Elektra Natchios. Please to me you Mister…” 

“Murdock, Matt Murdock.”

“I have toys at home, Matthew, I know how to please people. Just because I have a pretty face doesn’t mean I’m always tossed around.” Elektra whispers seductively in Matt’s ear and he laughs loudly. Too loudly. He shouldn’t want this; he’s worried about how it’ll turn out. But dammit he does want this. 

“On your left,” Elektra tells Matt as he tries to find her car. Elektra puts the keys in the engine and revs it loudly. 

“Oh man… Your kidding me!” Matt laughs happily as he gets in. It sounds like a _very_ expensive car. 

“Yeah? You like it?” Elektra smiles and raises her brows; he can’t see but it’s the thought that counts. 

“It’s yours?” Matt buckling in and feeling the nice leather hug his back as he wrapped his arm around the side of the car. He felt happy, content. Confident. He can do this. 

“Yeah… Until we get caught.” 

Matt chuckles and shakes his head. He can’t believe he’s doing this. _Tonight_. He’s happy and a little tipsy but damn – it’s not like they can get each other pregnant. He still hopes that she has condoms though. 

They’re driving, apparently, they’re getting close. Elektra leads Matt up the stairs of her parent’s apartment. They aren’t home, they’re still at the party. Though Elektra’s bed is nice, soft and huge. Way too big for the both of them. It’s plush and Matt feels his back sink into it. He sighs. 

“Condom,” Matt had said before he had laid down and Elektra let out a frustrated noise. “Doesn’t matter if you can’t knock me up, I’m not taking the chances. I’d like to have clean, safe sex please.” He laughs and gives out a shaky smile. 

Elektra snorts. “Fair enough. Wait – you can still get pregnant?” 

Matt nods and makes a sound as he slips the condom on. Elektra slips hers on and see’s Matt’s naked frame on the bed. Elektra’s hair and breasts planted against Matt’s body; she eyes the faint red line that’s still slightly visible on his chest where he had gotten his top surgery. It has mostly faded. 

“You’re beautiful, Matthew.” She reassures and kisses him. 

Matt makes a sound, Elektra moves her tender, small hands against Matt’s nipples. They’re hard, like a man’s though Matt already feels himself getting wet. He makes out a pleased moan as Elektra massages him. “I want to try and fuck you without the dildo first, is that alright?” 

“Whatever you wish.” Matt chuckles and Elektra eyes him. 

Matt applies lube first, before Elektra tries anything. Its’ slick and sticky as always. Unscented and does the job. It’s probably a better-quality brand of lubricant than he can ever afford, but he doesn’t know what kind it is. He can’t read it, doesn’t matter. Elektra has still got her breasts against his chest, his heart is racing, he’s feeling aroused. While it’s safe to say he never enjoyed the feeling of his own boobs, he loves Elektra’s. They aren’t huge, they aren’t fake. But damn is she hot. 

It’s hard to tell what this man really wants when his gaze isn’t focused on her completely. Though, Elektra wouldn’t be lying if she was to say she wasn’t fascinated by Matthew’s vagina, it didn’t put her off. It felt natural being there. She didn’t really know what to do, she had heard stories on how women pleased each other. So, she took her finger and gently entered Matt. Matt let a pleased moan.

“You happy?”

“Very.” Matt let out a squeak as Elektra fingered him. She smiled. She supposed she was doing this correctly. 

“I don’t want to do anything that hurts you, I’m new to this.” She whispers and tightens her finger Matt lets out a squeak again. “Though according to the sounds your making, I’m guessing that your pleased. Can I kiss you?”

Matt pants and closes his eyes. It’s a habit, to close his eyes during sex. He can’t tell what the other person is looking like when the fuck him so he just keeps his eyes closed. “Yes please, kiss me.”

Elektra realizes she still has her finger inside Matthew. She shrugs and leans in over the man’s belly. Her arm and hands bend and Matt makes another happy sound. Elektra kisses Matt on the lips. Then Elektra places her tongue inside Matt’s. Then she lashes her tongue into Matt’s throat, until he breaths.

“Breath, Matthew. I don’t want to strain you.” She giggles. She slowly takes her finger out of Matt’s pussy. She vaguely wonders if Matt would be okay with oral, but Elektra isn’t too confident to suck someone’s vagina off yet. Not tonight. “Do you want me to kiss you more? I can kiss you other places than just your mouth,” She purrs.

“Yes,” Matt blinks past tears. He’s not upset, he’s just a little high right now on emotion.

Elektra’s heartbeat is telling him that she’s euphoric. She’s really enjoying this and that she’s curious about his body. He doesn’t blame her, this is the first time she’s had sex with _someone with a vagina_ , but Matt’s surprised that she’s so… Gentle. So calm. Asking questions like his opinion matters, 

He loves it, he wants more of it and he doesn’t want her to stop. 

Matt’s skin has always been sensitive. Sometimes when people fuck him, add certain things to the mix when they touch his body – they aren’t exactly nice about it. Not to say he’s ever been raped before… All of his sexual interactions with people have been completely consensual, but some have been brief, and way too quick. They weren’t like this – this was like magic – pure magic. 

He just didn’t want to fall in love with her. Love was painful, the only person he had loved with his father. He didn’t know he could feel love again. He loved Foggy, he loved Karen, but he had no idea if he could actually love – love. Like be in a relationship. Straight, gay, lesbian or otherwise.

“Your thinking about something, am I doing something wrong to upset you?” 

Matt could sense worry in Elektra’s voice. But it was still Smooth and calm. 

“No, _god no_ Elektra. You’re doing everything right. You’re perfect.” Matt blinked back tears. “Just no one has ever cared to ask my opinions on things during – “Matt licked his lips Elektra went wide eyed. “You’re so gentle, so calm, you’re taking your time. I don’t want you to speed things up for my sake. Sometimes people are too fast, they just want to get it over with because they don’t care… But you… God, you’re doing it right. Of course, you are.” 

Elektra’s heart tightened. “Kiss me.” She demanded. “You can be a bottom and still please people, Matthew.” She remembered of how many men she had pleased though she had demanded their attention. She had learnt that skill from Vanessa. Never be taken advantage of. “Do you want to please me?” 

“Tonight?” 

Elektra rolled her eyes. “Yes, tonight. I’m flexible. Not everyone you meet is an inconsiderate asshole, Matthew. There are good people out there in the world.” She kissed his temple gingerly. “You just have to trust. Though I don’t know if I should be saying that, I’ve got problems too.” She chuckled bitterly. 

“Were you ever raped?” Elektra’s eyes were serious, not that Matt could see but she was thinking too much about this. “Do you want to stop?” 

“I don’t know what constitutes as rape, in my defense.”

Elektra’s stomach churned. 

“Rape is non-consensual sex, Matthew.” Elektra whispered. “You have to be willing to consent. I don’t know your past. You don’t know mine. But I will tell you, I had a wise teacher that taught me how to never be taken advantage of. Though that was only after I had confessed to her that I had – “She paused. “Been taken advantage of. That didn’t stop me from getting what I wanted, I never did take advantage of those men, though. That would make me no better than them. I was trained to fight, for a long time, I’ve always been a fighter, but there were men that called me beautiful, that took me out on dates. I’ve had bad dates though. Horrible dates. I broke those off. Though you?” 

Elektra laughed. It was like angel’s singing. Matt looked at her, dazed and confused trying to figure out what she looked like right now. Elektra cupped the side of his face and traced a hand near his eyes. 

“You’re wonderful. You haven’t been like any of that. You’re different. And hell, I’m not going to be considered a rapist. Even if you don’t take any legal action against me because you don’t understand what fucking rape is – “ 

“Elektra – “ 

“No. Listen. You need to understand I’m not going to let you just let me take advantage of you. YOUR consent matters. We can change positions. We can have sex on our side, we can do whatever you want, Matt.” That was the first time she had called him Matt all night. “You can suck me off.” She purred. “I’d like that.” 

“You want me to suck you?” Matt let out a squeak. 

“This position isn’t working out for us. Let’s change it then. On our side, have you ever had sex on your side?” 

Matt shook his head.

“Well, guess your not very experienced after all, Mister Murdock.” 

Matt laughed. “Guess I’m not. People have just never given me the opt- “Elektra placed a hand on his lips. 

“You have never given yourself the option.” 

Matt breathed. 

“You matter. Now, on your side. Fuck me as I fuck you, but I really want you to take control. How often do you do that?” Elektra scooted over to the right side of the bed and Matt nudged over to the left. 

_Wow_.

It felt so much better on his side than on the bottom. There was a major difference. Elektra’s thigh’s crunching against Matt’s. His hairy legs brushing against Elektra’s smooth ones, Matt felt his pussy still up against Elektra’s. 

“This is much better.” 

“Finger me. Please me, Matthew.” 

Matt couldn’t resist. He wanted to please Elektra, so badly. So, he gently took his finger and entered Elektra. He looked around for her pleasure spot and she moaned. Matt smiled at the sounds she was making. Her breasts up against his chest, her nipples getting hard, one of Matt’s free hands against her breasts. It was heaven. 

Matt massaged Elektra’s tits, he kissed her neck and chewed on her bottom lip. She moaned in pleasure. Hearing her make these sounds – knowing _he_ was the reason why she was making those sounds, made it ten times better. 

“Oh, Matt,” She let out happily. 

It was pure bliss. 

Matt liked pleasing people. He liked making people happy. He liked to think the only time he actually ‘helped’ people was when he was either Daredevil or as a lawyer, he never really knew if he was really pleasing someone in bed. They complimented him, but he didn’t understand compliments about his appearance because he couldn’t see himself. He still got dysphoria time to time… But that was because it felt wrong, on the inside. 

Also, when he did get anxiety, it was very rarely when he tried to flirt with people. Men, women, etc. He wondered what they would think when he had said he had ‘girl parts’ and the ice-breaker that he needed a condom and that he could still possibly get pregnant – was usually a turn-off for men. That drove them away. He just wanted to be normal, but he didn’t have the money to get his tubes tied or anything. 

And besides, it wasn’t like he disliked the idea of pregnancy entirely. If he had a good support system and the baby-daddy wasn’t going to abandon him and he could happily support his child? That’d be great. He’d happily go through with the pregnancy. Hell, maybe he wouldn’t even abort the baby regardless. He was a pacifist, he was Catholic, he didn’t know if his guilt would allow him to abort a child.

Matt sighed happily as he felt his own erection peak in his pleasure spot. He supposed he could do his bed partner the thing she had asked for now. Oral. He wasn’t very good at it, most women had just fucked him with a dildo, or fucked him. He barely got to do this, ever. Matt sucked in a breath, squeezed his eyes shut. Oh god – Elektra’s smell. When Matt placed his face down into her crotch, smelling her discharge and the slight come that had leaked out from her erection – it smelled amazing. 

Not like those guys that just would – huh. Maybe he _had_ been raped before. He just didn’t recognize the signs. 

Matt could tell that Elektra didn’t smell like most women. She smelled earthy, woody – smoky- musky – flavorful. It was a barrage of scents assaulting his nose. He loved it. Matt opened his mouth, found Elektra’s clit and began to suck. Elektra let out a pleased moan and suddenly became very wet. Matt was taking his time, so she realized. She was happy that Matthew was feeling more confident in his own skin to tease her and play with her. 

It wasn’t that Elektra didn’t enjoy foreplay – it was that most guys didn’t know how to make her hard. They didn’t know how to make her orgasm; they didn’t know how to handle her and they would try too hard to get her off. This annoyed her. Matt wasn’t fantastic in bed, only because the people he had before Elektra were dickheads. They didn’t know how to handle him – Elektra bit her cheek as Matt mouthed her gentiles once again.

It felt good, too good. Though Matt wasn’t some sex-god (he was being modest, a little too modest) once he got confident and calm, he was able to be sexy and aroused himself. And the feeling that Elektra had for Matt was odd. Most of the men that she had sex with she never had the burning desire to take out on a date before. Her father was Wilson Fisk, Kingpin – for fuck’s sake… She couldn’t do domestic. 

Though Elektra never told her past lovers about Kingpin or Vanessa, and she didn’t tell Kingpin or Vanessa about her past lovers (especially whatever went on in the bedroom she shared in their apartment) she had an itch to take Matthew out on a date herself. Not be led around by a man this time. She wanted to treat him to some of the finer things in life, but she had no idea how. 

She doubted she would ever escape the horrors of her jailors, Kingpin – though if she explained that she had found a man that she had liked to Vanessa, her mother, the woman she trusted with these things most of the time – Vanessa might understand.

Elektra made a mental note to tell Vanessa about Matt (though not mention his name) later.

Elektra wanted to take Matt out on a date, buy him flowers, do other kinky shit with him. Next time they were in bed treat him to foreplay – maybe do a booty call in the foreseeable future. Take him places he’s never been. Date him -! She’s never been in a relationship. But Matthew Murdock? This man was something else. He needed love and affection, someone to hold him and tell him it was alright. 

But Elektra wasn’t so sure how long she could keep that up. But she wanted to, even just for a little while.

. . . 

The morning sun oozed into Matt’s apartment. Matt rarely closed the curtains due to how he liked the sunlight feeling on his skin in the mornings. He felt a buzz from his phone and while he was insanely tired from the night before – tired, but pleased. Matt reached over to grab his phone from his bedside stand. It was probably Foggy.

Instead, he got someone else entirely. 

_EN: I had a wonderful time last night. I’d like to do it again. Though I don’t want to impose, I want you to decide when the time is right. I put my number in your phone when you weren’t looking, if that’s alright with you – Elektra._

Matt’s heart swelled and began to race rapidly. His ears became hot and so did his cheeks. He quickly began to scroll through his other messages to see if he had any others. The app on his phone let him know it was way past the time he should be up – 8:20 AM. He should’ve been up two hours ago! 

_FN: Hey man! Where are you? I hope you aren’t dead in some ditch somewhere, I mean, fuck. I know you have Claire but still Matty I worry. Text me back alright?_

That was an hour ago. 

_FN: Okay I don’t know why you’re ignoring me but we’ve got some pretty important clients lined up today. If you’re not feeling up to coming in, I totally get it, Daredevil thing or otherwise just let me know, shoot me a message okay? – Foggy._

Matt grunted and spoke into his phone. 

“Foggy, don’t worry. I may have had a little TOO much fun last night – no this isn’t Daredevil related. I actually um, met someone last night. NOT Daredevil related. I swear. I’m also not injured I just didn’t realize the time, I’m sorry. I’m going to get ready now. I’ll see you in a minute after I shower -Matt.” Matt clicked send. 

Matt didn’t even bother reaching for his glasses. Instead he threw off the dirty clothes he slept in the night before and headed for the bathroom. He didn’t want to waste too much time as he already heard his phone buzzing again with Foggy’s immediate response as he stripped himself of his boxers and began to step into the shower. He turned on the water, not even giving it at minute for it to get warm. He was running late! 

Matt reached for his soap, lathering up his body. Then he reached for his shampoo. He quickly hosed off after a few quick seconds of trying to get the leftover sex-smell from last night, while it wasn’t lingering seamen that stung his eyes, he could still smell it – women smelled too after a while. He washed his crotch thoroughly though, made sure to get the smell and gunk out of there. He wanted to make sure that was clean. 

Matt sighed, he placed a hand against the shower’s wall and let the water trickle down his back. It was warm now. For once he wasn’t in pain, he was just – bliss. Happy. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t feel like he deserved this. He didn’t know why Elektra wanted to please him, he didn’t know how long this happiness was going to last, but if Elektra wanted to see him again… Could he?

What did she want to do with him? Just sex? 

He could handle just sex. Sex was great. What they had was amazing. Better than any man, transman, transwoman or woman that he’s slept with before. Better than okay – last night was perfect. He felt like he wanted to cry last night, in the middle of it, but he didn’t. He slept so soundly last night; he was so at peace. 

Matt stepped out of the shower and dried himself. He dried his crotch happily and didn’t for once feel dysphoric about it. Women are taught that vaginas are dirty, dirty places. That’s the place where babies are meant to come out, and only babies. Men don’t understand how to get women off most of the time – the times where Matt actually felt aroused by men trying to make him ‘hard’ because of the weird ‘dick yet not really a dick’ made things incredibly uncomfortable. 

Matt knew guys and even girls stared at his ‘downstairs’ Matt would even sometimes ask those people to kindly leave. 

Sometimes those people wouldn’t. 

Sometimes they would – 

_Was that rape?_ Matt’s eyes went wide as he realized what thoughts had just happened in his head. Was he raped? Not last night, no. Elektra was so gentle and kind and she wasn’t exactly amazing in bed, but she was curious, though she never insulted his cock and she never ever said it was ugly or dirty. Matt sucked a breath. He couldn’t be thinking about this right now – he had work. 

Matt hadn’t even had breakfast yet. His belly grumbled loudly and he patted it, he would have to wait till lunch. It was already 8:45 by the time he left his apartment. 

. . . 

It was 9:30 by the time he got to the office. He was wobbly and exhausted and overthinking a barrage of thoughts. Some Elektra… Some other things. But Matt thought ‘ _Foggy and Karen will make me feel better, they always do’_. 

They didn’t. 

Matt tried to hide the redness from his eyes, it was pretty easy to do so. He didn’t want to let them know that he had been crying on his way to work. But the moment he stepped into Nelson & Murdock… Matt’s head was spinning. 

“Matt, you look like shit.” 

Matt sucked in a heavy breath… ‘ _Say something nice about my appearance, say something nice about me – say something comforting_ – ‘“I’m fine, Foggy.” Matt went over to his desk and sat down in his chair. He wiped his eyes, hopefully he could blame it on being sleepy, he could smell coffee – got he was craving some. “Can I get some coffee? I really need some right now.” 

“Rough night Matt?” Karen’s tone was sweet but rather intrusive.

“Yes, and no. It’s not Daredevil related. I can assure you.” 

Karen, sweet Karen placed a cup of coffee on his desk. Black, how he likes it. Matt took a generous sip and smelled it. The smell of coffee always calms him down. “Thank you.” 

“Uh, huh.” Foggy sips his cup making a slurping sound. “Dunno what to believe anymore buddy. You said you had a little TOO much fun last night.” 

Matt grinds his teeth. “Foggy, please.” 

“Come on, lay off him we need to get to work. Mr. Ericson wants us to return his call but we said we wouldn’t until Matt got here,” Karen placed the documents on Matt’s desk, all labeled properly in Braille. “Jeffery Ericson, age 24. Wanting custody of his four-year-old niece. Think you can handle this?” 

Matt’s mind was now on this new case. “Yeah, okay. Why does he want custody…?” Matt’s hand was running over the papers, filling his brain with information. 

Bless Karen. 

. . .

Foggy and Matt went without incident throughout the day. They had meetings with various clients that day, and then they were reaching eleven-ish and Matt was feeling lightheaded, Matt nearly placed his head down on the desk and groaned. Foggy took immediate notice of Matt’s distress and decided they have an early lunch.

“Karen can you be a dear and get us some Indian for lunch? Matt, I think I have some protein bars in my suitcase, jeez you look like your about to start dry-heaving.” And it was true, Matt could start dry-heaving any minute. Foggy tossed Matt a chocolate peanut butter protein bar and Matt ate it with some water. Foggy began to run a gentle hand down his best friend’s back carefully, then in a circular motion. “I’m sorry I snapped at you this morning. I just don’t know when you’re doing Daredevil stuff and when you’re not, not everything you do at night is my business. You’re an adult, you can care for yourself.” 

Foggy wanted to say ‘ _you’re a lot stronger than me_ ,’ but he didn’t. Foggy traced a hand through Matt’s unkempt hair. “Did you brush your hair this morning?” 

Matt sighed a cupped a hand over his belly. “No. In case you’re really wondering, which I know you are – I met someone. A woman. At a party. Which was originally intended for Daredevil purposes, that I was trying to break into – but the girl – she wasn’t anything to do with Daredevil and I… got distracted by her.” 

Foggy’s brows raised up to his hairline. “Did she treat you right?” 

‘ _God? Even Foggy_?!’ Matt closed his eyes and clenched his hands and breathed in heavily. 

“Hey – Matt – hey – I’m sorry – I didn’t mean – “ 

“You know perfectly what you meant by that, Foggy.” Matt hissed through his teeth. 

Foggy swallowed nervously. “I just meant that I care about you and I don’t – “ 

“Want anyone to take advantage of me? Cause’ I’m trans?” 

Foggy paused. There was silence. 

“People have, in the past. You know.” Matt tapped his hand on the table. 

Foggy made a sound. “What?!” He let out a low-yell, he didn’t know who the hell he was keeping it from. Karen wasn’t here, it was just them. 

“Taken advantage of me. They’ve fetishized me, they’ve fucked me without consent. It’s all happened since college.” 

Foggy’s face went pale. People have… Fetishized Matt? Because he’s trans? In college?! “You didn’t tell me,” 

“You’re my best friend. Of course not.” Matt chuckled and felt a tear strain down his face. “I want you to know, I actually never realized that people had ever taken advantage of me before until last night. The woman I was with made it abundantly clear that she didn’t want me just for s-sex,” Which was only half-true. Sure, they wanted to fuck, but Elektra was more than willing to call it off if Matt was uncomfortable. “She made me feel safe, and comfortable. If I wanted to call it off, she would’ve let me. She even asked me – if I had ever been raped before – “

“And what I did you tell her?” Foggy’s voice was strained and uncomfortable. He had tears in his eyes. “Matt?” 

“I don’t know what constitutes as rape.” 

Foggy was silent, dead silent.

Then he got angry.

Who could treat his friend in such a way?! Without him knowing!? His best friend!? Had this woman treated him like that? She better not has – woman or not – while Foggy was raised to never hit a woman – Foggy knew that if anyone hurt someone he cares about… They would pay. 

“She told me rape was non-consensual sex. She told me very specifically that if I didn’t want to have sex with her, I could leave. When she started… Fucking me, she could tell I was distressed, which I didn’t think I knew I was distressed because I just perceived it as normal,” 

“Matty – “Foggy choked out a sob, running a hand through Matt’s hair gently.

Matt had been raped. 

Probably several times. And Foggy had never known. 

“But she said ‘let’s have sex on our side, then, you fuck me as I fuck you, I want you to be in control,’ I was so shocked. I had been a top before, but most of the time – people didn’t really like me like that?” Matt was smiling but it was way too self-deprecating. He was smiling like he was hurting. “So, we went on our side, it was amazing, we… Fucked each other – and my emotions changed. She called me beautiful. The way she was touching me – it was great.”

Foggy sighed. “She really didn’t force you into anything you didn’t want anything to do?”

“No. Thing is, she gave me her number.”

Foggy looked curious at this. “Oh? Did she call or text you back?” 

Matt nodded. “She texted me back. She let me know that she didn’t want to be intrusive, but she wanted to meet me again. She didn’t specifically say for sex, but she wanted me to tell her when I felt comfortable. And I’m like? I don’t know. I don’t know if I can be good enough for her. I don’t know if I can be happy for her. If I can – give her what she wants.” 

Matt choked out a sob. 

Foggy breathed. “Oh Matt, you are good enough. You are.”

Matt chuckles nervously. “Thing is, I want this woman and I to work. It’s not like other flings that I’ve had in the past… She means a to me. I can feel it.” Matt wipes his eyes with a tissue. “Can we just drop it now? I’m tired and hungry and just want to get on with the rest of the day. I’m sorry Foggy.” 

Foggy bites his lip. “If you’re sure Matt, I don’t want that pretty head of yours to get overwhelmed. You need a break. Ever thought of taking a vacation?” The taller man ran a hand through his best friend’s hair to straightened it. “Like, an actual vacation. Out of town or something.”

Matt smiled for real this time. “That would be a nice thought. I don’t know where I’d go, though.” 

The door jingled above head and Karen came back in. “Hey! I got the curry and the naan, everything you guys wanted.” Bags rustled and Karen began placing the utensils on the desk in front of Matt. They were all eating there, supposedly. “Are you alright Matt?” 

“I’m feeling better now, actually. Can’t wait to eat something. Thanks for the food,” Matt rustled through the bag and sighed happily as he smelled the spices and aromatic smells of Indian food. It was a good place that they normally went to here in Hell’s Kitchen, something called Tiger Palace. 

“If your sure.” Karen didn’t press Matt much in times like these. She knew Matt could get hangry and was tired, she just needed to be a silent – supportive presence for her friend.

For the rest of the afternoon things were better. Matt sipped on water instead of coffee and to keep himself hydrated. He doubted he’d go out as Daredevil tonight. Even if he had the urge, he didn’t feel physically up to it for some reason. He just felt tired. Besides he had to return Elektra’s call later. (If she was even interested.)

By later that evening Matt skipped the offer to go to Josie’s, he just went straight home and relaxed for the remainder of the evening. He texted Elektra back to let her know, yes, he was interested in scheduling something. He’d be free on the weekend. Saturday would be fine. 

MM _: Hey, sorry it took so long to get back to you. I was at work all day, though I am down for anything you want… Whatever that means. I’m not sure if you want an actual date or if you are planning on making a social call again. Really, whatever’s fine. – Matt._

Elektra answered back within five minutes or so. Matt was listening to an audio book on his phone and got the notification almost immediately.

EL: _I actually want to take YOU out on a date. Though problem is, I don’t normally do this myself… I could take you anywhere you want. Something about last night made me feel like I really want to give this a try – us. Dating. I don’t know about long-term relationships, I’m not good at those either. But I want to sweep you off your feet, take you to places, dinner, anything… It’s frustrating because I feel like you deserve much better than me… I don’t really know how to express these feelings well. I apologize._

Matt rose his eyes, astonished.

She had feelings for him. 

She wanted to take him out on a date. 

MM: _Multiple dates? More than one? And you’d be okay with putting sex off if I didn’t want it tomorrow? Or the next day? Not that I didn’t enjoy what we had last night, Elektra, I just… Sometimes I’m a little bit put off by just fucking straight-away. The idea of someone taking ME out on a date instead of them, especially the woman… Has never happened. I don’t want to be assumed as abrasive or bold for being led around… Fuck I don’t really know what to say_.

Matt wiped his eyes. He was crying when he sent that. 

It took a few more minutes to gather a response, he figured that the next one was going to be lengthy. Possibly a rejection.

EN: _Oh no! You’re not coming off as brash for ME wanting to lead you. I’m also not doing this because your blind – I want to make this clear. I’m also not doing it because your trans – I’m doing this – because I feel like you haven’t been treated with the amount of respect you deserve. This has nothing to do with your gender or reproductive organs, this has nothing to do with that. In fact, if we were to have sex again, I would like to do more proper research on how to… Ahh how to say it – treat you properly. I don’t know anything about women’s parts in bed and I really don’t know if I’m doing it right. You can do it to me, but was a little nervous last night and I was completely off my game. Hell, if I have to buy BOOKS for Christ sake’s I will buy books, I just want to know how I can make you happy. – EN_.

Matt snorted. He laughed so hard he was crying, but he was happy. No one had ever said that about him.

_'You are worth it, Matt_.’ 

Matt swallowed hard. It was difficult to keep track of his emotions. Though he was glad he wasn’t on the phone right now. He was a hot mess.

MM _: Thank you. That means a lot to me._

A few seconds later. 

EN _: You don’t have to thank me, Matthew. When I recognize someone is in distress, someone is uncomfortable, I’m not going to be a heartless monster and make them feel worse, that’d make me no better than the people who had made me feel like shit._

Matt honestly believed it. He thought Elektra was a genuine person where her feelings were true, if not that she may have had some hidden deep trauma in her past that she didn’t want to talk about. She was shrouded in mystery, Elektra was, but Matt respected her privacy. He wasn’t going to turn this into a Daredevil thing if he could help it. He actually felt the urge to stay away from Daredevil for a while.

Just in case this dating thing worked out. 

Matt huffed out a breath. He continued to text Elektra continuously that night. He then told her that Saturday would be good for him, and that he could be happy with meeting her up at a restaurant called _Karmen’s_. It wasn’t too up-scale, in fact it was family owned but had good reviews. He was looking forward to it. 

Matt went to bed that night, not worrying about Daredevil or saving anyone. He just worried about himself and his own health and the future. Not so much muddled with anxiety and negativity, but hope and faith that things would be okay.

Matt had hope. For once in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who argue that Transguys can't get pregnant while on T that's a lie. If you have a functioning Uterus, Ovaries, a Vagina and there is sperm somewhere involved then yes you can get pregnant. There have been transmen who have gotten pregnant by accident and didn't even realize they were pregnant. Google it. 
> 
> Just to let you know: I know that not every trans guy wants to get pregnant, though I don't think your any less of a man or 'transman' if you do carry your own child. I know that probably you'll feel dysphoric if you do go through pregnancy, but if you have a good support-system and a loving partner who will help you through it, I don't think any BAD would come from it. That's just me. I would be happy to carry my own child someday I just can't because of my genetic syndrome also my family has a history of Alzheimer's and I don't want that to pass down to my child. So I can't even freeze my eggs anyway since they're pretty much useless. 8 /


End file.
